//*(j)oyz (t)o (t)he (w)orld v. i me you

The exams are almost over. I only have one paper, and two days to study it. Yes, I know its only the mid years and there's no big deal. But I can't feeling so disheartened, so disappointed. Is this my best? Obviously not. Which is initially puzzling. Its not that I didn't put in effort. Perhaps, or rather, most likely, I didn't put in enough effort. I wasn't mentally prepared for it. I didn't know or could not perceive how exam conditions is liked. I just basically didn't study enough. At this point, the "should haves" starts to increase exponentially.

Oh wells. I've learnt my mistakes. Can we please just move on? It's starting to get depressing.

I need to declutter my mind. I'm thinking of that time during the holidays when I went onto the cruise. It was really a good detox for the mind. I didn't "entertain book, thought or each other" OH MAN, I AM SUCH A FREAK): Sadly, thats the only quote I can remember from Hughes, besides "the world rolls under the long thrust of his heel/over the cage floor the horizons come" Erm, digression. I liked the short cruise trip. Basically, there's nothing much to do except eat, eat and eat. And for me, endless hours to spend watching the sky and sea (not at night though, I'm terribly afraid of water at night) go by. And of course, gambling at the casino. I didn't spend that much time at the casino though. The novelty runs off very fast. I can't believe I donated $40 playing the jackpot): Anyway, the smoke in the casino was so bad, I couldn't take it for long. Oh man, digression again. Point being, I really enjoyed the cruise because for that short period of time, I was in perfect harmony with the world. No silly, worrying thoughts. I'm convinced it was the effect of the sky and sea(:

Also, through this exam, I realised that the way I'm studying-it's not right. And my ability to absorb is way low. I don't know whats wrong. How do you "study better"? I don't think I'm doing the right thing. I spend time. Quite a significant amount, but it is not productive.

Furthermore, I SO have to get over the fact that some people are much smarter, able to absorb fast, ability to study last minute and do well and learn to love myself more for my apparent stupidity.

#jOyZ flyin' in the sky at 20:39

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because you can't accept the truth

I think the inherent need to share, to tell, is a tad overdone.

I think the world will be a much nicer place if people would just take a little more effort to spare a thought for others and put themselves in their shoes.

I think that one needs to have a lower perception of themselves. The arrogance? Sorry, its not needed or wanted.

I think the only way for the brain to absorb more is to clear all the insignificant and irrelevant details. Just like a computer, the amount of memory is limited.

I think it needs to rain, pour heavily. People need to get drenched, soaked to the skin. Whoever said sunshine brings happiness never played in the rain.

#jOyZ flyin' in the sky at 20:29

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23 June 2006

"Cries were too like silence"

I am so totally geeked out and exhausted!

There is only THREE more days to the exams. I'm a nervous wreck. Mainly because there's no way I can possibly finish studying or finish my homework. I know its just the Mid Years and its no biggie. But I can't help stressing myself up. This leads to me not being able to absorb anything when I study and me becoming a nervous-er wreck-er. It's a vicious cycle. My mind constantly screams "HURRY HURRY HURRY" but the more I try to move faster, the longer I take to absorb things! Oh no, I'm really so fucking stressed, I'm going positively insane. I can't even sleep well. When I lie down in bed, I start thinking, "OH NO. CANT FINISH STUDYING. I'M FINISHED. BETTER NOT SLEEP. GO STUDY" And then I wake up, start trying to memorise maths formulae which I still can't remember and theres only THREE more days! I'm going crazy and I just want to give up and cry my eyes out. I admit I don't deal with stress well and when it comes smack in the face I just go mad. I think stress is another reason why the event of the month is not here yet. And I know I'm in this state partly because I'm PMSing and partly because I have a nervous disposition [according to my horoscope but I dont really believe in those crap]

Gee. Major digression. I actually wanted to take a break by talking about my favourite studying music. Another time I guess.

On the other hand, I actually really like Hughes' Crow's Account of the Battle. But that is the only poem I favour because the rest don't make no sense. Below's a quote I love.

"Too like being blown to bits yourself / Which happened too easily / With too like no consequences"

#jOyZ flyin' in the sky at 00:03

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20 June 2006

Right now I'm feeling extremely peeved. Look, I understand that the World Cup is one in four years and yada yada. But ~~men~~, sorry I shouldn't generalise, people should not use it as an excuse for everything! It is one in four years, but your family, the people around you? WE ARE HERE FOREVER YOU IDIOT(S)!

Gah, it is not like as if I wasn't expecting this to happen. Me, of all people should know very well. Look, I don't hate football. I never liked it much, but that does not mean that I don't understand how others feel! Personally, I think football is a very exciting game and all. I actually caught the whole of one half when I was out the other day. Haha, it's really rare for me you know?

I actually wanted to post some photos from my cruise/genting trip a few weeks ago but I'm too lazy/too tired/too drained/too busy/too flustered to go edit them. Actually, editing photos helps to relax the mind. But I will get around to doing it. Sometime.

#jOyZ flyin' in the sky at 20:15

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16 June 2006

counting blue cars

Whee! I'm back to blogging. I procrastinate WAY TOO MUCH. Heh.

I wish sometimes that I have an elephantine memory (read: like lings and germs) so that I can remember to blog about a specific idea that occurred to me out of the blue in the day. Often, I get in front of the com, get ready to blog and forget instantly what I wanted to talk about. I have such a terrible memory that my tuition teacher often get so exasperated because I can NEVER remember formulae.

So anyways, SMUN. I may have enjoyed it more if I didn't skip the first day or more likely, if I didn't fall sick. It just felt extremely weird to budge in suddenly. On the other hand, the sessions, though initially was rather interesting turned out to be extremely tedious and tedious and tedious!

I recently caught x3 and I really enjoyed it a lot, even though it was an extremely terrible movie. I wasn't expecting a three hour long movie, but the movie felt really flat like a piece of roti prata (pardon me, i'm hungry) at just one hour plus. I really wished more was done to develop the characters. Nevertheless, I rewatched the movie twice in the same night. And I actually watched Jean Grey die four times before I decided that I was getting quite obsessive. And I watched Iceman kicked Pyro's ass three times. (ppx: HAH! MY Iceman kicked YOUR Pyro's ass!) Lol. And I actually got quite sad when Magneto lost his powers. Ah, what the heck, I was so sad when some of the mutants lost their powers! If I had mutant powers, I will want to fly. Getting those gorgeous, beautiful wings like Angel will of course be a big bonus. I know its a rather "boring" power compared to Yiwen's power of producing pop corn though(: But to be able to fly, to be able to jump out of the window, spread your wings and fly! AND FLY! I can try jumping out of the window now, but instead of flying I think I will just fall(:

My brother just ordered the pepper drumplets meal from Macs. And being the cheapo that I am, I'll go steal some of his food (fries), even though I had way too much ~~potatoes~~ carbos today.

I just realised that I refered to my brother as well "my brother" instead of "his royal highness". A clear sign of my hunger.

Later, I gotta get up early for tuition tomorrow and be depressed):

#jOyZ flyin' in the sky at 00:06

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07 June 2006

i'm sick and missing the first day of the singapore model united nations conference at nus! BAH):

#jOyZ flyin' in the sky at 13:04

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