i havnt blogged in a month! this blog is lik nearly dead but im gonna start blogging again. so many events happening in class, so much confusing thoughts....

firstly, whats been bothering me is the fact that im leaving sec school in THREE months. its super quick. im starting to panic le, o levels are coming. the other thing is there's this cca award being handed out. im thinking: for the FOUR YEARS in my sec sch life, i havnt done much. esp in my cca. ok, im not active in guides. i like guides, i honestly do, but i guess the ppl in there suck. but thats not an excuse. plus, im silently cursing which ever idiot that said i didnt want to be a PL. well, what hav i done in my four years? council for one year [why didnt i get into council wheni was sec 2?!], nomad [im pround of this], some weird competition like script writing, gardening project. ermz, thats all.  pathetic right? [and i still rmb dad n mom complaining about my MANY school activities in school, it should be the lack of it] i regret not being active in school after all, you are only young once, you are onli in sec sch once. sigh. but as i've told cleo, its no point regretting now. just gotta move on. if i go jc, i WILL be active in school. i want to join council, though [no offence] we do pretty shitty work sometimes, i do enjoy organising events. i love council and i just regret not joining earlier. but at least i did managed one year in council=)

the other thing, its depressing. really is. i think sometimes my family is screwed up. but when i look around, and when i read other stories, i realised im pretty blessed. but then well, every family has its own problems. my aunt is like mentally unstable. she just got discharged from imh. and it pains me to hear about her. i've never seen her in a few months, and we arent even close. but it just pains me. n i hav no idea, how anybody hasnt done anything much to improve or at least try to improve her condition. i dunno, when i try to say something, i just get cut off. but at least, there seems to be a ray of light at the end of the dark tunnel. my [another] aunt's friends are going to pray with her. i heard it went quite well. i have no idea. i want to see my aunt. but i think i will be speechless. n i dont even know if she will recgonise me. the worst part? her son,  my cousin is 2 years younger than me. i dunno how he takes it. i really dont.

sigh, my grandma isnt feeling well too. she cant walk. my grandad is making life difficult for her. we cant blame him since i think he's alittle senile. you know, as you grow older, ur loved ones around you [older ones] starts getting ill, and u feel really depressed cuz u are young n healthy. i still rmb the time when i heard my grandma was admitted to the hospital cuz of heart attack. i just broke down on the train. this is so depressing. but thank goodness, her heart is ok now. for now.

ok, im gonna snooze soon. found a layout n will put it up.. tmr going to study at town at 9.30. nitez people. and stay happy [esp myself]